>A few weeks ago the agency we used to adopt Charlie, Family to Family, contacted me about the Lost Birth Parent Contact blog post I’d written. In it I talk about my feelings toward finding out we’d lost contact with Charlie’s birth mother.
Jennifer emailed me asking if she could link to my post on the agency blog in a post she was writing. She wrote about the importance of maintaining first family contact and honoring the agreement you made with your child’s birth parents. The staff at Family to Family love that I have recently tried to expand our semi-open adoption, at least on our end, as a way of honoring Charlie’s birth mother. They love that I send tons of photos just about every month. They have repeatedly told me that they appreciate that I send letters monthly, even if some of them are short. Debbie once joked that I should teach a class about the importance of maintaining birth parent contact at some of their seminars.
The reality is that I have not always felt that way. I dreaded writing the update letters. Photos I was okay with because it did not require much effort from me. Pictures did not require that I open myself up emotionally to Charlie’s birth mother. I never knew how much I should share. I was scared she’d decide I was a rotten parent and regret her choice of us as parents. I was, and still am, selfish. I don’t like to be reminded that this amazing little boy did not come from me – he is not truly mine in body.
Over time my attitude has adjusted somewhat. I have met some amazing women involved in the adoption triad that have helped me grow. I am still a work in progress. Will I ever agree with everyone, even friends, about every single aspect of the adoption industry? I seriously doubt it.
Anyway, getting back to Jennifer and Family to Family. The blog post is about the importance of maintaining contact with your child’s first family post placement. You can read it for yourself HERE.
Elizabeth
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