“I don’t want you to be my Daddy anymore.”
Charlie is beginning to realize words have power. He is doing what all kids do at his age, poking at his parents to see what words trigger certain reactions.
Charlie was mad Daddy wouldn’t give him what he wanted. I don’t remember exactly what since this happened a few weeks ago. I do know my husband overreacted.
Hubby took Charlie’s statement very personally. It brought up all of Hubby’s insecurities and doubts regarding his parenting skills. It brought up irrational fears regarding Charlie’s birth parents for my husband.
Charlie is just beginning to ask questions about being adopted. We don’t hide it from Charlie. It is just a part of our lives, who we are and how our family was made.
All kids say things like this to their parents at one point or another. Charlie has said similar things to me. Even trying to bargain for what he wanted, “I’ll let you keep being my mommy if you get me this.” My response was (trying not to laugh) “Honey, I’ll always be your Mommy and no, we’re not buying that.”
Adoption has nothing to do with what Charlie said. But these words triggered something in my husband which caused him to totally freak out. I get it, really I do. There are irrational fears, thoughts and strong emotions tied to adoption. This is true on both sides in my opinion. Part of it because we are all human beings – with hopes, fears, doubts and all the other emotions. Part of it is the nature of adoption itself – giving a child from one parent(s) to another parent(s). That touches deep into our collective psyches and hearts.
What we do now is what matters. How Hubby handles these type of conversations in the future. How we answer questions regarding Charlie’s birth parents, adoption, etc.
Words are powerful. Our words just as much as Charlie’s words.
I pray we chose our words with care.
Elizabeth
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