I have written before how much I dread writing the semi-annual Birth Mother update letters. You can search my archives for previous posts. We have a semi-open adoption which recommends photos & update letters be sent twice a year through age 18.
I have to admit, however, I’ve working on changing my mindset. This is mainly due to the influence of other bloggers who are part of an adoption triad in one way or another. One is a birth mother herself in an open adoption. I have learned a lot reading other’s perspectives on their personal blogs as well as open discussions in communities like BlogHer.
So I think I am going to try something a little bit different this year. Instead of trying to remember everything I want or need to say in a letter twice a year, I am going to try to write more frequently. Sending pictures is never a problem for me; I always send tons of them with the letters. I am hoping that by send quick, short updates I won’t dread them as much. I won’t be stressing out over what to include or talk about as much.
Yes, I realize this so far is all about me & not L (the birthmother). I can not speak for her & her feelings regarding my update letters. Neither she P (nor the birthfather) have ever responded via the agency to our letters & pictures. We did tell them they were more than welcome to send notes, etc. to Kiddo when we were getting to know them before he was born. Open adoption was discussed but L (birthmother) said she did not want that. I know things change. Our agency, Family to Family, is very open adoption oriented & counseled all of us towards that type of adoption.
So my goal is to write a brief letter at least once a month. That way I can stay current with all of Kiddo’s activities. I can work on developing a relationship of sorts with L. Baby steps, remember change comes in little bitty baby steps!
Elizabeth
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